


South Gate

by Cheriluvs10



Category: South Park, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 22:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: Stargate SG-1/ South Park crossover. SG-1 finds an extremely strange planet.





	South Gate

SUMMARY: SG-1 encounter a strange planet....a very strange planet!!!!

A/N: Thanks to Jess for inspiring this bit of lunacy!!!

Chapter One

O’Neill blinked as he and his teammates stepped through the gate onto P3X-0069. He scanned the surrounding countryside and frowned.

”Is it just me or does this world look kind of like a cartoon?” he asked.

Carter nodded.

”It does, sir. And a cheaply made cartoon at that.”

“Yeah, it looks like someone took construction paper and built the planet out of it,” Daniel added.

“Perhaps we shall find some answers in that town over there,” Teal’c said, pointing to a small town about a half mile away from them.

The others nodded in agreement and everyone began to walk through the snow towards the town. As they were walking, they suddenly heard a tiny voice call out beside them.

“HOOOOOWDY HO!”

They turned and their eyes widened as they saw a short, brown being waving to them.

O’Neill raised his eyebrow and looked at the others.

“I could be wrong, but I swear I’m seeing a piece of poop waving at us,” he said.

“That’s right, I’m Mister Hankey, the Christmas poo and a hoooowdy ho to all of you!”

“Um...yeah...howdy ho,” O’Neill, Carter and Daniel said in unison.

“How y’all doing today?” Mister Hankey asked.

“Um......We’re fine......Mister Hankey,” O’Neill replied.

He bent down.

"Listen, is everyone on this planet like you?" he asked.

“Shucks, no. I’m the one and only Mister Hankey, the Christmas poo,” Mister  
Hankey said smiling. “Haven’t you heard of me?”

O’Neill shook his head.

“No, can’t say I’ve ever met a talking piece of crap before,” he said.

Mister Hankey’s eyes widened.

“You never heard of little ol’ me?” He asked, astonished.

“Nope,” O’Neill said.

“But who is the one who brings you presents on Christmas then?” he asked.

O’Neill frowned.

“Um...My parents, my friends and family.”

Mister Hankey laughed.

“They might bring you some presents, but I’m the one who is responsible for most of them,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” O’Neill said, rolling his eyes.

“It’s true.......Unless you haven’t been eating your fiber? You have been eating your fiber, haven’t you? Otherwise I won’t come.”

O’Neill looked around and glared at Carter, Daniel and Teal’c as they snickered. He looked back.

“Yes, I eat fiber......regularly.”

Mister Hankey scratched his head.

“Then, I don’t understand why you think I don’t visit you on Christmas day,” he mused.

O’Neill shrugged and sighed as he stood back up.

“Can’t tell ya. Well...I’d love to stay and chat with a living turd but we have things to do and places to go. So, no pun intended.......smell ya later!”

“Wait...Are you going into town?” Mister Hankey asked.

“Um, yeah that was our intention, ”O’Neill said.

“Well, if you see Kyle, will you tell him I said hello?”

O’Neill raised his eyebrows.

“Um...yeah, sure we’ll tell him,” he said.

“He’s one of my very best friends in the whole world.”

The team nodded to him.

“Well...we really have to get going Mister Hankey,” O’Neill said.

“Me too. I got to get back home. All this snow is freezing my tiny little balls off. Well, see ya!”

The team looked at each other as Mister Hankey hopped away.

“Turds have balls?”O’Neill said in disbelief.

“Well, maybe on this planet.......hopping........talking.........turds have balls,” Daniel offered, “for.....procreation....of course.”

“Oh, isn’t that a lovely image. Turds making love to turds and having turd families,” O’Neill said sarcastically.

Daniel shrugged.

“The presence of genitals would indicate...”

“Daniel, I know what balls are for, so spare me the lecture, please?” O’Neill said, rolling his eyes as Carter snickered.

He glared at Carter and she quickly sobered up.

“Let’s press on, shall we?” he said to the team.

“Yeah, we better go, sir and find you a restroom. You never know when all  
that fiber you eat will catch up with you,” Carter said. 

O’Neill turned and glared as his three team members bent over laughing. Rolling his eyes, he walked off as the other three followed behind, snickering.


End file.
